Today I'm grateful for....
An impromptu get together with Chris (michael's brother) last night. Hours of deep discussion about grief, guilt, moving forward, life in general, human behavior, his future, my future, and lots of laughter. I love having a brother I never had, one who is beautiful, intelligent, open minded, and fun.
Knowing we'll meet Chris and Karen this evening so the kids can have their time with him.
Looking forward to the hot air balloon ride celebrating michael's bday, on michael's bday-June 13.
School's out for summer!!
Feeling sexy
That my life is pretty flexible.
Feeling more awake and present than I have in years. I'm here, I feel the love, and I'm oozing it. For myself, for my family and friends, for every thing. I'm truly happy to be here.
Watching the moon last night as I drove home with the top down at 1:30 am after my hours of conversation with Chris, the air was warm and soft, the night was lovely.
Getting loose ends tied up with Harrison and with Easttipp about Kelsey's summer school and Taylor's cheer leading.
Feeling grounded and deeply connected with the special people in my life.
Continuing to ask for more meaningful people in my life.
Getting it with intent----meaning, asking for what I want :) and getting it with intent.
That it's 11am, and I only have to work 3 hours today, because that's what I want.
That mama sharon's eyes are opening, can you feel the tingle of change? I love it!
Good things are happening to the people I love.
This list which seemed like nothing in the beginning, but has stuck with me and embedded itself within me to create a whole new outlook on life, thanks again jones, my mentor, my sister, my love, my sg.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Creating a "smorgasbord" ;)
Today I'm grateful for....
Being 34 and loving who I am at this very moment
An awesome 5 hour conversation with jones during her impromptu visit. Love it when things happen like that.
Being genuine....Honesty, with myself, with every one else, not apologising for being who I am.
Watching my friends blossom as they're watching me blossom. Watching them get the things I knew about them all along and them watching me "get" the things they knew about me all along.
Not having a direction and knowing for me, that's okay.
Awesome mexican food.
Being financially stable so that I can enjoy my time right now. Appreciating that more and more.
Continuing to ask for more meaningful people in my life.
Learning Kevin's news and knowing he is going to be an amazing father. --When you worry, remember--the "how" doesn't matter (i'm talking finances and things, you've got fatherhood in the bag babe).
As Jones calls it, "the smorgasbord" of choices I'm creating for myself... a little of this, a little of that, and so on. Janice says "get it while you can", and I'm gettin it with intent. :)
The fun phone conversation with Lisa tonight about Nancy. Hearing her laugh at Billy being flirty with her. I love Lisa's sunshine smile.
Taylor running to talk to me as soon as I got home! Smiling and asking fashion questions, can I wear this with this?
Knowing that jones's healing will come quick and effortlessly, it's no biggie girl, it'll be over in no time.
Not knowing dean, but knowing dean. Seeing him at Pat's and getting the feeling that he's settling into himself.
Knowing that Vance will find his direction with ease and peacefulness.
That my conversations with jones are never short and never weightless.
Being appreciated and admired.
Knowing the healing that is necessary for B and David, and Eric and Nicole is still happening. Though their lives have been changed forever, they have chosen to rise from the ashes and continue to love, flourish, and go forward into the blessed lives they have.
Being the best mom I know how to be and being reminded of that every day through the conversations with my kids. Knowing that I'm not perfect and I do make mistakes, but the foundation is there and it's a fantastic one.
Paying it forward.
I just have to say thank you for all the beautiful men. And thank you for all the men who appreciate and love their partners.
Knowing that good things are happening to the people I love.
Being 34 and loving who I am at this very moment
An awesome 5 hour conversation with jones during her impromptu visit. Love it when things happen like that.
Being genuine....Honesty, with myself, with every one else, not apologising for being who I am.
Watching my friends blossom as they're watching me blossom. Watching them get the things I knew about them all along and them watching me "get" the things they knew about me all along.
Not having a direction and knowing for me, that's okay.
Awesome mexican food.
Being financially stable so that I can enjoy my time right now. Appreciating that more and more.
Continuing to ask for more meaningful people in my life.
Learning Kevin's news and knowing he is going to be an amazing father. --When you worry, remember--the "how" doesn't matter (i'm talking finances and things, you've got fatherhood in the bag babe).
As Jones calls it, "the smorgasbord" of choices I'm creating for myself... a little of this, a little of that, and so on. Janice says "get it while you can", and I'm gettin it with intent. :)
The fun phone conversation with Lisa tonight about Nancy. Hearing her laugh at Billy being flirty with her. I love Lisa's sunshine smile.
Taylor running to talk to me as soon as I got home! Smiling and asking fashion questions, can I wear this with this?
Knowing that jones's healing will come quick and effortlessly, it's no biggie girl, it'll be over in no time.
Not knowing dean, but knowing dean. Seeing him at Pat's and getting the feeling that he's settling into himself.
Knowing that Vance will find his direction with ease and peacefulness.
That my conversations with jones are never short and never weightless.
Being appreciated and admired.
Knowing the healing that is necessary for B and David, and Eric and Nicole is still happening. Though their lives have been changed forever, they have chosen to rise from the ashes and continue to love, flourish, and go forward into the blessed lives they have.
Being the best mom I know how to be and being reminded of that every day through the conversations with my kids. Knowing that I'm not perfect and I do make mistakes, but the foundation is there and it's a fantastic one.
Paying it forward.
I just have to say thank you for all the beautiful men. And thank you for all the men who appreciate and love their partners.
Knowing that good things are happening to the people I love.
Monday, May 28, 2007
Being the Cool Mom
The fun I had with the girls and their friends during the sleepover on Friday night. Giggling with all the girls. The other girls thinking I'm "the cool mom". Kelsey's friends loving her room and the creativity of it. Taylor having a friend who loves sugar as much as she does.
We ate dinner at Applebees, got a free appetiser and a free dinner, dinner for 5 with two appetisers for under $30 smackers!
Smores in the microwave (it was raining so no bonfire)
Playing cards with my sisters and Jessica on Saturday.
Knowing that Lisa's coughing will stop and her healing will come quick.
Knowing that the money for Tracie's speeding ticket :) will flow easily into her life from out of no where. And that she understands that this is a WARNING for her to slow down! A wise woman once told me I don't have the right to drive fast anymore--Tracie, you have a child.
Spending a night with E on the river laughing, playing, on our own time. Leaving in the morning with no attachments, feeling respected, fulfilled and happy to be on my own.
Working with the girls to get the house cleaned up today and ready for the coming week.
Thinking about Jones and the fantastic experience she will have this summer in the state that I love.
Anticipating a visit from my brother in law this week, knowing that he and I always have fun together and connect on levels I never thought possible when he was a bratty ten year old :)
Getting some exercise in today.
Not feeling so lonely anymore, when did that happen? It's awesome being able to be in the house without calling people or going shopping or making plans to leave.
Understanding more and more what taking care of me means. Loving myself enough to treat my body with respect.
RAIN yeah, everything smells lovely and I love the green. The lushness reminds me of Washington.
School's almost out!!! Looking forward to france park with all the kids and jessica.
salad bar
That my girls have known for years that they are expected to go to college. I believe in having expectations for our children so that they have something to reach for.
That good things will come to the people I love.
We ate dinner at Applebees, got a free appetiser and a free dinner, dinner for 5 with two appetisers for under $30 smackers!
Smores in the microwave (it was raining so no bonfire)
Playing cards with my sisters and Jessica on Saturday.
Knowing that Lisa's coughing will stop and her healing will come quick.
Knowing that the money for Tracie's speeding ticket :) will flow easily into her life from out of no where. And that she understands that this is a WARNING for her to slow down! A wise woman once told me I don't have the right to drive fast anymore--Tracie, you have a child.
Spending a night with E on the river laughing, playing, on our own time. Leaving in the morning with no attachments, feeling respected, fulfilled and happy to be on my own.
Working with the girls to get the house cleaned up today and ready for the coming week.
Thinking about Jones and the fantastic experience she will have this summer in the state that I love.
Anticipating a visit from my brother in law this week, knowing that he and I always have fun together and connect on levels I never thought possible when he was a bratty ten year old :)
Getting some exercise in today.
Not feeling so lonely anymore, when did that happen? It's awesome being able to be in the house without calling people or going shopping or making plans to leave.
Understanding more and more what taking care of me means. Loving myself enough to treat my body with respect.
RAIN yeah, everything smells lovely and I love the green. The lushness reminds me of Washington.
School's almost out!!! Looking forward to france park with all the kids and jessica.
salad bar
That my girls have known for years that they are expected to go to college. I believe in having expectations for our children so that they have something to reach for.
That good things will come to the people I love.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Laughing
Today I'm grateful for....
Laughing so hard with Kelsey and Taylor last night that we were snorting and almost crying.
Mom's beautifully decorated office. Mom laughing at my mistakes instead of getting mad.
Taylor getting recommended for cheer starz this summer, she starts more classes on Thursday evening. (It's a cheer stunt class)
Taylor's excitement about getting fitted for her cheer uniform tomorrow.
Kelsey getting her schedule for Harrison yesterday. (it's totally messed up! apparently she's taking algebra three hours in a row this fall.)
Going shopping with the girls this evening for junk food for their camp out tomorrow night.
Fixins for hot dogs over the fire, and smores of course.
Mom's going to tailor some of my shirts for me!
I get to babysit DJ in the morning!
Laughing so hard with Kelsey and Taylor last night that we were snorting and almost crying.
Mom's beautifully decorated office. Mom laughing at my mistakes instead of getting mad.
Taylor getting recommended for cheer starz this summer, she starts more classes on Thursday evening. (It's a cheer stunt class)
Taylor's excitement about getting fitted for her cheer uniform tomorrow.
Kelsey getting her schedule for Harrison yesterday. (it's totally messed up! apparently she's taking algebra three hours in a row this fall.)
Going shopping with the girls this evening for junk food for their camp out tomorrow night.
Fixins for hot dogs over the fire, and smores of course.
Mom's going to tailor some of my shirts for me!
I get to babysit DJ in the morning!
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Pickles
Today I'm grateful for....
More yard work done today
A nice cool evening
bubble baths
The humor of my e-pal, Jon from Kokomo, he makes me laugh every day about nothing!
Staying home all day and all evening.
Enjoying the last jar of pickles Karen canned last year. Knowing I'll be getting more soon--the best spiciest dill pickles you ever ate!
Rain in the forecast.
A much needed nap this evening, even though I can't sleep now! I'll take it when I can get it.
Sunscreen
A nice uneventful day.
More yard work done today
A nice cool evening
bubble baths
The humor of my e-pal, Jon from Kokomo, he makes me laugh every day about nothing!
Staying home all day and all evening.
Enjoying the last jar of pickles Karen canned last year. Knowing I'll be getting more soon--the best spiciest dill pickles you ever ate!
Rain in the forecast.
A much needed nap this evening, even though I can't sleep now! I'll take it when I can get it.
Sunscreen
A nice uneventful day.
Monday, May 21, 2007
Time for Leaf Paintings
Today I'm grateful for.... My primrose is blooming, time for leaf paintings!
Being brave enough to go up to girls I don't know at a club (where ever), by myself, and ask if I can dance with them. I've done this a few times over the past year and I always get a yes and I always have fun. Next time I want to go out and all of my friends are busy, I think I might find a group of girls and ask if I can join them for an evening out.
Today was bring a friend day at Taylor's tumbling class so I picked up her friend Stephanie and enjoyed watching the two of them have a great time.
Again, driving the convertible with the top down and smiling the whole time!
Getting some work done in my yard, sweating and feeling good.
Planning a Friday night sleepover for Kelsey, Taylor, and their friends this weekend. A trip to the mall, then home to roast hot dogs and make smores. I might even get someone to get a tent down from the attic so they can sleep in the tent.
My false indigo plants which get bigger and bigger every year, absolutely divine.
Using the elliptical while watching Dr. Phil-keeps me from getting bored.
My leftover vegetable soup with chive dumplins mmmmm
An unexpected email from Wendy, Michael's step mom. So nice to hear from her.
Seeing another sunrise this morning, I think I love them more than the sunsets because of the potential of the coming day. Every sunrise is like spring, renewal, a new day, new choices, new chances.
Feeling myself grow.
All of the obstacles that were overcome by DJ Michael, and Kyleigh Dawn as preemies. They are amazing little dolls, you would never guess that they ever had any trouble.
I'm grateful that I didn't lose my sister during her delivery, we were really terrified during the emergency delivery. I love both my sisters and can't imagine living life without either of them.
We are family :)
Loneliness is dissipating.
My masseuse and I tracking my weight loss progress together, just she and I. Enjoying the new rewards I have planned for myself instead of food.
Enjoying the foods I love without the guilt.
Quiet confidence.
Johnny Depp during his interview on Inside The Actors Studio mmmmmm.
Spreading love.
Today was bring a friend day at Taylor's tumbling class so I picked up her friend Stephanie and enjoyed watching the two of them have a great time.
Again, driving the convertible with the top down and smiling the whole time!
Getting some work done in my yard, sweating and feeling good.
Planning a Friday night sleepover for Kelsey, Taylor, and their friends this weekend. A trip to the mall, then home to roast hot dogs and make smores. I might even get someone to get a tent down from the attic so they can sleep in the tent.
My false indigo plants which get bigger and bigger every year, absolutely divine.
Using the elliptical while watching Dr. Phil-keeps me from getting bored.
My leftover vegetable soup with chive dumplins mmmmm
An unexpected email from Wendy, Michael's step mom. So nice to hear from her.
Seeing another sunrise this morning, I think I love them more than the sunsets because of the potential of the coming day. Every sunrise is like spring, renewal, a new day, new choices, new chances.
Feeling myself grow.
All of the obstacles that were overcome by DJ Michael, and Kyleigh Dawn as preemies. They are amazing little dolls, you would never guess that they ever had any trouble.
I'm grateful that I didn't lose my sister during her delivery, we were really terrified during the emergency delivery. I love both my sisters and can't imagine living life without either of them.
We are family :)
Loneliness is dissipating.
My masseuse and I tracking my weight loss progress together, just she and I. Enjoying the new rewards I have planned for myself instead of food.
Enjoying the foods I love without the guilt.
Quiet confidence.
Johnny Depp during his interview on Inside The Actors Studio mmmmmm.
Spreading love.
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Birthdays
Today I'm grateful for...
Being available to pick up and take home 3 of Taylor's friends for her birthday bowling celebration. Her party was at arrow head in the jungle room.
That Karen, Lisa, and JoKaylin were able to come celebrate with us.
Nice weather so we were able to ride with the top down on the convertible.
Mom having a second birthday celebration for Taylor so family could come.
All the great gifts Taylor got and seeing her smiling face.
Watching the babies play with balloons, seeing the emotions they experienced when some of the balloons got let go.
The birthday party for one of my friends on Saturday night after all of Taylor's activities, where I danced so much I could barely move Sunday morning.
Dancing with 3 different guys having fun and not even asking for their names :) cuz all I wanted was to dance when they asked me.
Remembering that I am able to have a great time without drinking. (I was the dd)
Making the best damn beef vegetable soup with dumplings today. --Taylor ate two bowls!
All day with no interruptions, I did laundry, cleaned, cooked, and slept! Sounds mundane I know, but it's rare I get a full day at home anymore.
Anticipation of my spa visit tomorrow and Heather working on my huge mask of hyper pigmentation that has developed over the last year. I don't know that it's doing anything for the hyper pigmentation, but it feels great and is soooo relaxing.
Knowing that Billy's surgery will go great tomorrow with no complications and that he will heal well.
Knowing that Tracie and Tim will work things out for the upcoming weekend.
Hearing Jessica's stories about the girl scout camp out this past weekend. Knowing that she had a great time and it wasn't horrible like she thought it was going to be.
Never ending cheer and tumbling classes for Taylor.
Nancy's information making more and more sense to me after thinking about my relatives and their names.
Mom having a great gathering place for all of us to celebrate.
Setting my alarm, getting up early and seeing the sun rise this morning, it was beautiful.
Family.
Being available to pick up and take home 3 of Taylor's friends for her birthday bowling celebration. Her party was at arrow head in the jungle room.
That Karen, Lisa, and JoKaylin were able to come celebrate with us.
Nice weather so we were able to ride with the top down on the convertible.
Mom having a second birthday celebration for Taylor so family could come.
All the great gifts Taylor got and seeing her smiling face.
Watching the babies play with balloons, seeing the emotions they experienced when some of the balloons got let go.
The birthday party for one of my friends on Saturday night after all of Taylor's activities, where I danced so much I could barely move Sunday morning.
Dancing with 3 different guys having fun and not even asking for their names :) cuz all I wanted was to dance when they asked me.
Remembering that I am able to have a great time without drinking. (I was the dd)
Making the best damn beef vegetable soup with dumplings today. --Taylor ate two bowls!
All day with no interruptions, I did laundry, cleaned, cooked, and slept! Sounds mundane I know, but it's rare I get a full day at home anymore.
Anticipation of my spa visit tomorrow and Heather working on my huge mask of hyper pigmentation that has developed over the last year. I don't know that it's doing anything for the hyper pigmentation, but it feels great and is soooo relaxing.
Knowing that Billy's surgery will go great tomorrow with no complications and that he will heal well.
Knowing that Tracie and Tim will work things out for the upcoming weekend.
Hearing Jessica's stories about the girl scout camp out this past weekend. Knowing that she had a great time and it wasn't horrible like she thought it was going to be.
Never ending cheer and tumbling classes for Taylor.
Nancy's information making more and more sense to me after thinking about my relatives and their names.
Mom having a great gathering place for all of us to celebrate.
Setting my alarm, getting up early and seeing the sun rise this morning, it was beautiful.
Family.
Friday, May 18, 2007
Toes in the sand
Today I'm grateful for....
Laughing at Jones's glog about staying detached from the chaos, knowing that's how I've always lived my life (detached) and aside from the immediate days after michael's death and a few other very important times in my life, I can't comprehend being attached to every day chaos. I just need things to be simple and calm. No drama please!
Starting to use the time when I can't sleep to my advantage. Instead of laying in bed and trying to sleep, getting up and getting stuff done. I used to worry a lot about what people thought of me because I slept late or kept weird hours, but I've been doing it so long now that I just feel like that's the way my body is supposed to sleep and I don't apologise for doing what I need to do for me.
Learning that I have two admirers, one who is finally older!-45 retired military, the other is very young, but worth flirting with, he likes to dance! I am discovering how much fun dating can be and really enjoying myself- while continuing to be a lady of course :)
Continuing to think about my trip this summer with my girls. Of course I've done no planning, I wouldn't be me if I actually planned something.-----Does that mean I hate commitment?
Sit ups. I love doing sit ups while I'm watching weird stuff on tv. Tonight I did them while watching a very interesting documentary about the "Iceman", a notorious contract killer for the mafia. People who behave outside of the norm are really interesting to me-must be why psychology interests me so much.
Kelsey's huge 8th grade class picture in front of Easttipp that we got today. She had to be the rebel, every one else who's sitting has their legs bent to their chests, Kelsey has one foot way out in front. I saw her right away. :)
Looking forward to a nice day tomorrow so I can drive the convertible-with the top down of course.
That my daughters ask me before doing most things even when I'm not home. Taylor has just recently asked if she can start wearing some make up to school and has respected my requests for her to only wear lip gloss and some eye shadow.
That when I called Charlie to see about Kelsey's piercing he said she has to be 16! I was all about taking her to get her ear pierced, but for some reason when he said she had to be 16 I was elated. What's that about?
Getting my nails done. If I don't wear fake nails I chew on them and the skin around them making my fingers look awful.
Thoughts of my toes in the sand and michael. Every time he loaded film in the camera he always took the first picture or two of his foot, or feet, or leg. Remembering his belly laughs when I would tell people about the strange things he did, like the photos. The thing is, yes it was silly, but he always had a reason for his silliness. So, now those of you who have seen me take pictures of my feet or toes in various locations know the reason behind the foot photos-he is always with me :)
Getting excited with Kelsey about everything that goes along with starting High School.
That Kelsey has taught herself how to speak a good portion of the Japanese language by watching movies in English then re-watching them in Japanese, also by listening to Japanese music that has an English translation. She will be taking Japanese her freshman year.
Watching my daughters making their own way through life.
Laughing at Jones's glog about staying detached from the chaos, knowing that's how I've always lived my life (detached) and aside from the immediate days after michael's death and a few other very important times in my life, I can't comprehend being attached to every day chaos. I just need things to be simple and calm. No drama please!
Starting to use the time when I can't sleep to my advantage. Instead of laying in bed and trying to sleep, getting up and getting stuff done. I used to worry a lot about what people thought of me because I slept late or kept weird hours, but I've been doing it so long now that I just feel like that's the way my body is supposed to sleep and I don't apologise for doing what I need to do for me.
Learning that I have two admirers, one who is finally older!-45 retired military, the other is very young, but worth flirting with, he likes to dance! I am discovering how much fun dating can be and really enjoying myself- while continuing to be a lady of course :)
Continuing to think about my trip this summer with my girls. Of course I've done no planning, I wouldn't be me if I actually planned something.-----Does that mean I hate commitment?
Sit ups. I love doing sit ups while I'm watching weird stuff on tv. Tonight I did them while watching a very interesting documentary about the "Iceman", a notorious contract killer for the mafia. People who behave outside of the norm are really interesting to me-must be why psychology interests me so much.
Kelsey's huge 8th grade class picture in front of Easttipp that we got today. She had to be the rebel, every one else who's sitting has their legs bent to their chests, Kelsey has one foot way out in front. I saw her right away. :)
Looking forward to a nice day tomorrow so I can drive the convertible-with the top down of course.
That my daughters ask me before doing most things even when I'm not home. Taylor has just recently asked if she can start wearing some make up to school and has respected my requests for her to only wear lip gloss and some eye shadow.
That when I called Charlie to see about Kelsey's piercing he said she has to be 16! I was all about taking her to get her ear pierced, but for some reason when he said she had to be 16 I was elated. What's that about?
Getting my nails done. If I don't wear fake nails I chew on them and the skin around them making my fingers look awful.
Thoughts of my toes in the sand and michael. Every time he loaded film in the camera he always took the first picture or two of his foot, or feet, or leg. Remembering his belly laughs when I would tell people about the strange things he did, like the photos. The thing is, yes it was silly, but he always had a reason for his silliness. So, now those of you who have seen me take pictures of my feet or toes in various locations know the reason behind the foot photos-he is always with me :)
Getting excited with Kelsey about everything that goes along with starting High School.
That Kelsey has taught herself how to speak a good portion of the Japanese language by watching movies in English then re-watching them in Japanese, also by listening to Japanese music that has an English translation. She will be taking Japanese her freshman year.
Watching my daughters making their own way through life.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Being Grateful
Today I'm grateful for....
All of the fantastic moments I've lived in my life, there are so many to be grateful for.
All of the horrible moments in my life as I have learned from them and they have made me who I am.
Finding the sexiest black top today and I look great in it!
The best pair of pretty shoes I've ever owned! They are strappy heals that feel like tennis shoes! So comfortable.
Getting Taylor's birthday gifts today, not waiting until the last minute like I usually do.
More fantastic sleep today, now if I could only get the sleep at night instead of late morning I would be very happy.
Looking forward to a pedicure tomorrow, a reward for losing another pound while keeping the rest off. ---no more food rewards!
That my calves are still a little sore from the jumping and dancing last saturday.
Taking Nancy's advice and trying not to blow potentially important people off. I have a tendency to stay wrapped up in myself and what I'm interested in, and in doing that I guess I snub some people--- it's never been intentional....unless you're bugging me :)
"I've realized there are only two possible landings for someone who embraces intimacy, and both are beautiful. The first possibility is that your beloved will love you back. Then you won't land; you'll just fall deeper into intimacy, together. This is how bald eagles prepare to mate-by locking talons and free-falling like rocks-which is deeply insane and makes me proud to call the eagle my country's national bird. The other possibility is that you'll throw yourself forward, yell "woo-hoo!", and smash into rejection. Will it hurt? Indescribably. But if you still refuse to bury your broken heart, or force someone to "fix"it- if you just experience the crash landing in all its gory glory, you'll create a miracle. Do it enough and you may just lose your fear of falling. You'll get better at missing the ground, at keeping a crushed heart open so that love can find all the broken pieces. And the next time you feel that vertiginous sensation of the floor disappearing, even as your reflexes tell you to duck and grab, you'll hear an even deeper instinct saying, Fall in! Fall in!" ....Martha Beck --- I love -love and everything about it in all forms.
Doing what pleases me.
My ability to make donations both monetarily and artistically to help friends with fund raisers and charities I believe in.
Eric's courage to stand up in front of all those people and do what he loves!
Being single and continuing to be more and more comfortable with that.
Knowing my purpose within the family and relishing the feeling of doing things my own way.
Hearing Taylor tell me she loves me every night.
The good lives my family and friends are living right now.
All of the fantastic moments I've lived in my life, there are so many to be grateful for.
All of the horrible moments in my life as I have learned from them and they have made me who I am.
Finding the sexiest black top today and I look great in it!
The best pair of pretty shoes I've ever owned! They are strappy heals that feel like tennis shoes! So comfortable.
Getting Taylor's birthday gifts today, not waiting until the last minute like I usually do.
More fantastic sleep today, now if I could only get the sleep at night instead of late morning I would be very happy.
Looking forward to a pedicure tomorrow, a reward for losing another pound while keeping the rest off. ---no more food rewards!
That my calves are still a little sore from the jumping and dancing last saturday.
Taking Nancy's advice and trying not to blow potentially important people off. I have a tendency to stay wrapped up in myself and what I'm interested in, and in doing that I guess I snub some people--- it's never been intentional....unless you're bugging me :)
"I've realized there are only two possible landings for someone who embraces intimacy, and both are beautiful. The first possibility is that your beloved will love you back. Then you won't land; you'll just fall deeper into intimacy, together. This is how bald eagles prepare to mate-by locking talons and free-falling like rocks-which is deeply insane and makes me proud to call the eagle my country's national bird. The other possibility is that you'll throw yourself forward, yell "woo-hoo!", and smash into rejection. Will it hurt? Indescribably. But if you still refuse to bury your broken heart, or force someone to "fix"it- if you just experience the crash landing in all its gory glory, you'll create a miracle. Do it enough and you may just lose your fear of falling. You'll get better at missing the ground, at keeping a crushed heart open so that love can find all the broken pieces. And the next time you feel that vertiginous sensation of the floor disappearing, even as your reflexes tell you to duck and grab, you'll hear an even deeper instinct saying, Fall in! Fall in!" ....Martha Beck --- I love -love and everything about it in all forms.
Doing what pleases me.
My ability to make donations both monetarily and artistically to help friends with fund raisers and charities I believe in.
Eric's courage to stand up in front of all those people and do what he loves!
Being single and continuing to be more and more comfortable with that.
Knowing my purpose within the family and relishing the feeling of doing things my own way.
Hearing Taylor tell me she loves me every night.
The good lives my family and friends are living right now.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
RAIN
Today I'm grateful for....
Yeah rain, thunder, and lightening!!!!
Grocery stores making it easier to get fresher organic foods.
Going back to bed at 8 this morning and sleeping until noon, I'm still sick, but the rest was great.
Text messaging.
Kelsey asking permission for her first piercing, I'm not allowed to freak out, like mother/like daughter. It's on her ear so that's ok. You learn to pick your battles, is it really that bad? She could have asked for a tattoo or gotten caught doing meth, or gotten the piercing without asking.... I'm okay with a hoop in her upper ear.
Another pound lost, that's 13 since April 11.
Knowing that Eric P. is at this very moment knocking them dead with his comedy!!! What bravery.
Bubble baths
music, all kinds :)
Yeah rain, thunder, and lightening!!!!
Grocery stores making it easier to get fresher organic foods.
Going back to bed at 8 this morning and sleeping until noon, I'm still sick, but the rest was great.
Text messaging.
Kelsey asking permission for her first piercing, I'm not allowed to freak out, like mother/like daughter. It's on her ear so that's ok. You learn to pick your battles, is it really that bad? She could have asked for a tattoo or gotten caught doing meth, or gotten the piercing without asking.... I'm okay with a hoop in her upper ear.
Another pound lost, that's 13 since April 11.
Knowing that Eric P. is at this very moment knocking them dead with his comedy!!! What bravery.
Bubble baths
music, all kinds :)
Monday, May 14, 2007
More medicine please
Today I'm grateful for....
Allergy medication as Taylor and I have been attacked by our allergies uuuugggh
Getting the yard mowed today (which helped my allergies tremendously!)
Even though I'd be happier on the water, I'm thankful for my big yard and the home we have.
That my friends are embarking on HUGE ADVENTURES and loving life.
Knowing the my huge adventures revolve around my kids right now and that's the way I like it.
My elliptical in my bedroom so I can exercise when ever I want to, watching what ever I want to on tv.
The anticipation of thunderstorms tomorrow evening.
I'm grateful for my ability to reflect, learn, and move on.
Anticipation of school this fall.
Weekends
That Lisa allows Taylor to spend every other weekend with her which fosters the relationship between Ciarra, Taylor, and Kyleigh while also allowing Taylor to be close to her Aunt Lisa and Uncle Billy. It also gives me the opportunity to do things on my own in a quiet house, spend time with Kelsey, and take time out for myself.
Allergy medication as Taylor and I have been attacked by our allergies uuuugggh
Getting the yard mowed today (which helped my allergies tremendously!)
Even though I'd be happier on the water, I'm thankful for my big yard and the home we have.
That my friends are embarking on HUGE ADVENTURES and loving life.
Knowing the my huge adventures revolve around my kids right now and that's the way I like it.
My elliptical in my bedroom so I can exercise when ever I want to, watching what ever I want to on tv.
The anticipation of thunderstorms tomorrow evening.
I'm grateful for my ability to reflect, learn, and move on.
Anticipation of school this fall.
Weekends
That Lisa allows Taylor to spend every other weekend with her which fosters the relationship between Ciarra, Taylor, and Kyleigh while also allowing Taylor to be close to her Aunt Lisa and Uncle Billy. It also gives me the opportunity to do things on my own in a quiet house, spend time with Kelsey, and take time out for myself.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Sisterly Luv ;>
Today I'm grateful for....
Missing the womyns camp, which allowed me the unexpected opportunity to spend time with my sisters and do a little healing.
Crying with my sisters over miscommunication and noticing the fragility of each of us underneath our facade of strength.
Laughing and dancing with my sisters Saturday night, booty dancing, the electric slide, and lesbians.
Leaving the party to go party, the "mens" showing up half an hour later to be with their women, they love you girls.
Out of the blue seeing my friend Eric, and loving just laying together.
Jessica being able to be involved in the sisterly love, and her tears for us.
A safe place to let loose.
Being able to catch up with Shelly Friday night while she's here for the weekend. Haven't seen her since high school. Lots of good grief conversation with her as she is preparing to lose her mom to cancer. Connecting with her in a way that I didn't expect to, her words of comfort to me and mine to her.
A safe trip back to Florida for Shelly and Jody T.
I'm grateful I ran into Shelly's sister Jody, became friends with her then found out Shelly was her sister. Grateful for the time they've been able to spend with their mom. Their mom's will to live and joyous spirit. Knowing that I will be a part of their grief recovery and I will learn from them as much as they will learn from me.
Being able to support people in the only ways I know how, but feeling it deeply.
Giggling with Jody and her partner Jackie about silly stuff. They sing, dance and are as goofy as I am, kindred spirits.
That there are more people reading the glogs than I thought, and how our words ripple out and affect them.
The lemon head "moms" cake the girls made for me on Friday night, and the chocolate covered strawberries Kelsey surprised me with this afternoon.
AAahhh sleeping in my bed tonight.
That I know jones is having a fabulous time with the womyn at the camp this weekend and looking forward to hearing her stories, and seeing her pics.
Finally hearing my dad say some mature things. That lets me know he's been listening to me, and some type of change is happening with him.
Dad's boat and all of his dreams of family time wrapped up in it. Looking forward to helping that dream along.
Tracie's inappropriate stories about DJ and his parts.
Lisa's smile.
Continuing to be more comfortable with myself, comfortable being single and taking affection when I need it from people I trust.
Beautiful weather with the top laid back and the sunshine shine'n.
A busy but fantastic weekend.
The way dandelion seed heads glow like faery lights when the sun sets over my back yard.
Love in all forms
Family, not just immediate, but true family
Movies that make me cry
Songs that make me groove
Life and not giving up
Thursday, May 10, 2007
unexpected encounters
Today I'm grateful for....
My unexpected encounter with Nancy and all the wonderful things she told me. Jones, what does the name Nancy mean to you?
Corn on the cob and roasted chicken
I still smile when I walk into my mom's new office at work, I'm still so proud of her.
Getting to see my sisters for a few minutes when they stop in the office to say hi for the day.
The warm weather without humidity.
My grandpa letting me read his National Geographic magazines when I was little. I remember being so drawn in to the articles and the pictures of all the far off places, imagining life there. That was my first introduction to Charles Darwin, real photos of the planets and outer space, the Aztecs, Stone Henge and many other fantastic places.
Looking forward to Sunday, I swear I'm staying home and doing nothing!
Family
My unexpected encounter with Nancy and all the wonderful things she told me. Jones, what does the name Nancy mean to you?
Corn on the cob and roasted chicken
I still smile when I walk into my mom's new office at work, I'm still so proud of her.
Getting to see my sisters for a few minutes when they stop in the office to say hi for the day.
The warm weather without humidity.
My grandpa letting me read his National Geographic magazines when I was little. I remember being so drawn in to the articles and the pictures of all the far off places, imagining life there. That was my first introduction to Charles Darwin, real photos of the planets and outer space, the Aztecs, Stone Henge and many other fantastic places.
Looking forward to Sunday, I swear I'm staying home and doing nothing!
Family
Being a woman
Good vibrations for today....
I'm soooooo happy that my 14 year old does her own laundry!!!!!!!!!
The girls need money so we made a chore list which means..... I wont have to do so much on my own :>
Taylor's excitement, dedication, and commitment to being a cheer leader. She exercises for one hour every evening after doing homework and classes because her tumbling instructor told her it was good for her. I could learn some things from her huh :> Once again, I feel like the child being led by my daughters.
Doing some statistical work for my mother today which I have no idea how to do, but I figured it out!!! Picking up the slack for her at work so she's not so overwhelmed.
The Personnel Department is now completely run by womyn!!!
Laughing with Jess on the phone about strange things our children do.
Looking forward to shopping with Jess tomorrow for lawn furniture after Kelsey's class. Last time we went, we made it as far as Pepe's and a big margarita...we forgot the lawn furniture but had a great girls evening.
Having the use of two closets in my bedroom, cuz I luv clothes!
I'm so grateful for the glog and all those who participate. It gives me something to look forward to every evening, getting a glimpse into the lives of the people I love and feeling more connected that way.
Knowing tomorrow will be another good day at work.
The hour I have while I'm waiting for the girls to get out of their classes 4 nights a week. I keep looking at the batting cages near by wanting to stop but I let my necessary errands get in the way. It is my goal to step into a batting cage next week, I miss softball so much, I get excited just thinking about the sound of the bat hitting the ball.
My massage and facial on Monday, a treat for keeping off the weight I've lost.
That since my first visit to MI, I have changed my life so much. I have continued to limit my visits to a bar to Friday nights only except for occasional b-day parties or girls night out. I have tried to keep my focus on the girls and being more involved with them. I have gone back to work and continue to make attempts at organizing my life:>
That I am resilient, rebellious, loving, compassionate, generous, beautiful, intelligent, talented, thoughtful, curious, magnificent, curvy, did I say rebellious :) I love being a womyn!
I'm thrilled that all of my friends and loved ones seem to be happy and doing well, I think of all of you often.
I'm soooooo happy that my 14 year old does her own laundry!!!!!!!!!
The girls need money so we made a chore list which means..... I wont have to do so much on my own :>
Taylor's excitement, dedication, and commitment to being a cheer leader. She exercises for one hour every evening after doing homework and classes because her tumbling instructor told her it was good for her. I could learn some things from her huh :> Once again, I feel like the child being led by my daughters.
Doing some statistical work for my mother today which I have no idea how to do, but I figured it out!!! Picking up the slack for her at work so she's not so overwhelmed.
The Personnel Department is now completely run by womyn!!!
Laughing with Jess on the phone about strange things our children do.
Looking forward to shopping with Jess tomorrow for lawn furniture after Kelsey's class. Last time we went, we made it as far as Pepe's and a big margarita...we forgot the lawn furniture but had a great girls evening.
Having the use of two closets in my bedroom, cuz I luv clothes!
I'm so grateful for the glog and all those who participate. It gives me something to look forward to every evening, getting a glimpse into the lives of the people I love and feeling more connected that way.
Knowing tomorrow will be another good day at work.
The hour I have while I'm waiting for the girls to get out of their classes 4 nights a week. I keep looking at the batting cages near by wanting to stop but I let my necessary errands get in the way. It is my goal to step into a batting cage next week, I miss softball so much, I get excited just thinking about the sound of the bat hitting the ball.
My massage and facial on Monday, a treat for keeping off the weight I've lost.
That since my first visit to MI, I have changed my life so much. I have continued to limit my visits to a bar to Friday nights only except for occasional b-day parties or girls night out. I have tried to keep my focus on the girls and being more involved with them. I have gone back to work and continue to make attempts at organizing my life:>
That I am resilient, rebellious, loving, compassionate, generous, beautiful, intelligent, talented, thoughtful, curious, magnificent, curvy, did I say rebellious :) I love being a womyn!
I'm thrilled that all of my friends and loved ones seem to be happy and doing well, I think of all of you often.
Sunday, May 6, 2007
Cops
Today I'm grateful for.....
The many cook outs I attended this weekend and the good company I enjoyed.
Spending an evening with a group of police officers and their wives...at a cook out, no I did not get arrested :) Oh and seeing that they behave just like every one else, possibly worse.
Reading Eric's glogs, they always make me giggle and I am soooooo grateful for that.
My attempts at making new friends, going to new places, being myself and following a new plan.
Teaching a woman years younger than me about self respect and supporting her when she was weak.
Late night phone calls from friends making me laugh when I didn't feel like laughing.
Another commission, ....my first attempt at a ship. Haven't done it yet, I'll let you know how it turns out.
Subway
Keeping 12 pounds off for a month.
Meeting a woman who looks just like me! So strange looking at some one else who has your face! I should have taken a picture.
My dad replacing my battery on my mower this weekend so I no longer have to jump it every time I want to mow the yard.
Being admired by some one and sticking to my plan.
Feeling great about still being beautiful even though I've picked up so much weight over the years. Knowing my healthy potential, slowly working towards that while working towards being comfortable with myself at my best. (something I've been afraid of since 13)
Being on the river this weekend, I luuuuv the water. I look forward to spending my life near the water, when the time is right. So beautiful.
Flowers, mine are starting to bloom again after being bitten by our late frost this year. Loving my purple clematis growing up my porch banister.
The many cook outs I attended this weekend and the good company I enjoyed.
Spending an evening with a group of police officers and their wives...at a cook out, no I did not get arrested :) Oh and seeing that they behave just like every one else, possibly worse.
Reading Eric's glogs, they always make me giggle and I am soooooo grateful for that.
My attempts at making new friends, going to new places, being myself and following a new plan.
Teaching a woman years younger than me about self respect and supporting her when she was weak.
Late night phone calls from friends making me laugh when I didn't feel like laughing.
Another commission, ....my first attempt at a ship. Haven't done it yet, I'll let you know how it turns out.
Subway
Keeping 12 pounds off for a month.
Meeting a woman who looks just like me! So strange looking at some one else who has your face! I should have taken a picture.
My dad replacing my battery on my mower this weekend so I no longer have to jump it every time I want to mow the yard.
Being admired by some one and sticking to my plan.
Feeling great about still being beautiful even though I've picked up so much weight over the years. Knowing my healthy potential, slowly working towards that while working towards being comfortable with myself at my best. (something I've been afraid of since 13)
Being on the river this weekend, I luuuuv the water. I look forward to spending my life near the water, when the time is right. So beautiful.
Flowers, mine are starting to bloom again after being bitten by our late frost this year. Loving my purple clematis growing up my porch banister.
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Compassion
Today I'm grateful for...
Taylor over coming her fears and making the Cheer Squad for seventh grade. She missed the learning part of it yesterday, went in this evening, asked a peer for help and learned the dance in 15 minutes. She made mistakes, forgot moves, but kept going and kept smiling and she made it!
Seeing her cry for all the girls who didn't make it and knowing her sense of compassion deeply as I am the same in that way.
Doing the computer inputs for my mom at work that would have taken up so much of her time. Helping her get forms put on the computer to make her work life a little easier.
A message from Vance.
My family support.
Taylor over coming her fears and making the Cheer Squad for seventh grade. She missed the learning part of it yesterday, went in this evening, asked a peer for help and learned the dance in 15 minutes. She made mistakes, forgot moves, but kept going and kept smiling and she made it!
Seeing her cry for all the girls who didn't make it and knowing her sense of compassion deeply as I am the same in that way.
Doing the computer inputs for my mom at work that would have taken up so much of her time. Helping her get forms put on the computer to make her work life a little easier.
A message from Vance.
My family support.
Doing what pleases me
Today I'm grateful for...
I love reading other people's glogs, they make me feel good. I especially love reading the ones that make me laugh.
I'm thankful that I went out last weekend even though I didn't feel like going. I danced, learned how to play beer pong, played the name game, and made out with some one my own age. That was nice, I felt secure, cared for and respected. Respected I think because I was in control of the situation and he was respectful of that. It pleased me greatly to make out with him, I forgot how great it is to be held right. And, it pleased me to just leave it at that, no strings, nothing but pleasure :) (I did have one date with this guy a year or so ago and many of you have met him once--my point is I didn't just pick up some random guy, not that it matters :)
Thinking about the open-ness of what I did and the possibilities of future encounters.....if I please.
Helping Taylor prepare for her Cheer tryouts tomorrow.
Losing 12 pounds
Reading Mama Gena and putting things into practice. Being aware of what pleases me and what doesn't, making decisions based on that.
Jones for always giving me good advice.
Actually considering taking action on a sexy clothing line for plus size women which is something that I've been saying I should do for years, in the midst of complaining when I can't find the things I want to wear. Something classic, timeless, sexy, and romantic, well made, for real women.
New leaves on the trees so that I can do more paintings.
Planting flowers in my old charcoal grill that I was going to have hauled away. Now it adorns my patio as a planter with flowers over flowing it's belly, it makes a great side table as well!
Anticipating shopping for new patio furniture with Jessica. Last time we went, we never made it to the store, we went straight for a margarita. We did lots of talking, laughing, and flirting, why do I always get hit on by guys who are too young? Oh well, it was fun to flirt anyway, and good practice for me :)
Working with my mom today, it makes me feel good when I can handle things that she can't figure out.
Kelsey's art and her determination to have her own style and not conform to other people's ideas of what's good.
No longer feeling like less of a person because I keep a different sleep schedule than most people.
Knowing that I don't need some one else with me to do what I want. I always did what I pleased when I was younger, just lost my courage at some point along the way. It's like the wizard of oz, when Glinda the good witch tells Dorothy she's had the power all along.
I love reading other people's glogs, they make me feel good. I especially love reading the ones that make me laugh.
I'm thankful that I went out last weekend even though I didn't feel like going. I danced, learned how to play beer pong, played the name game, and made out with some one my own age. That was nice, I felt secure, cared for and respected. Respected I think because I was in control of the situation and he was respectful of that. It pleased me greatly to make out with him, I forgot how great it is to be held right. And, it pleased me to just leave it at that, no strings, nothing but pleasure :) (I did have one date with this guy a year or so ago and many of you have met him once--my point is I didn't just pick up some random guy, not that it matters :)
Thinking about the open-ness of what I did and the possibilities of future encounters.....if I please.
Helping Taylor prepare for her Cheer tryouts tomorrow.
Losing 12 pounds
Reading Mama Gena and putting things into practice. Being aware of what pleases me and what doesn't, making decisions based on that.
Jones for always giving me good advice.
Actually considering taking action on a sexy clothing line for plus size women which is something that I've been saying I should do for years, in the midst of complaining when I can't find the things I want to wear. Something classic, timeless, sexy, and romantic, well made, for real women.
New leaves on the trees so that I can do more paintings.
Planting flowers in my old charcoal grill that I was going to have hauled away. Now it adorns my patio as a planter with flowers over flowing it's belly, it makes a great side table as well!
Anticipating shopping for new patio furniture with Jessica. Last time we went, we never made it to the store, we went straight for a margarita. We did lots of talking, laughing, and flirting, why do I always get hit on by guys who are too young? Oh well, it was fun to flirt anyway, and good practice for me :)
Working with my mom today, it makes me feel good when I can handle things that she can't figure out.
Kelsey's art and her determination to have her own style and not conform to other people's ideas of what's good.
No longer feeling like less of a person because I keep a different sleep schedule than most people.
Knowing that I don't need some one else with me to do what I want. I always did what I pleased when I was younger, just lost my courage at some point along the way. It's like the wizard of oz, when Glinda the good witch tells Dorothy she's had the power all along.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
